Junctions

Just to let you know, with a week before I move into Moody, I have become a little anal retentive because of the financial situation. While I was fasting for my journey ahead, an issue came up today about my class schedule. Because I didn't pay any money towards tuition fees by August 1st, I was dropped from all my classes. I enrolled for those classes last month and I thought I was set, for now.


With a situation like this coming up as far as finances for classes, getting a letter from a Methodist seminary, and fasting to petition for God to reveal to me His Will for me as far as the next step in my journey. I was beginning to think God was revealing to me to go instead to the Methodist seminary, but I was talking to my mother about the money dilemma and what God was revealing to her spirit about the situation.


She said that her spirit was saying that I knew where I am suppose to go in my heart, but I wasn't sure about it was good enough. She went on to say that she knows that she needs God especially when she comes to a road and doesn't know where to go from left to right. She mentioned that to show how we need God so much just to tell us to go left or right. That sparked a thought that came to mind of when I went to my Shane and Rachel Layne's wedding.


That night (8/3), I drove from Lima to Cleveland, a journey I never made. The directions I printed out from MapQuest told me to take two turns to get on route 30 east take it to I-71 N. I knew once I got to 71, then I would be good and get home, but it was getting to 71.


As I drove on what felt like forever on route 30, I approached a junction with route 30 east merging with route 67. The directions said nothing about a merger with this route and the 30 east was only merging with 67 S. Now here's my dilemma, I know in order to go home I needed to go north, but since the direction only said 30 east, which means I should stay south, but it sounded stupid to go south instead of north.


I decided to go 67 S (with 30 E), but then I decided well I know I have to go north, so I will go with north, so with a very little time to spare, I switched lanes to the left to go north. Then I thought, well I have to stick to the directions though it looks like it is taking me a direction that seems to make no sense and be counterproductive.


So with very little time to spare and at the very last second, I merge back to go south. After being on 30 east-67 south for a long time wondering if I made the right decision (as a management degree graduate, I have challenged myself to make great decisions and stick with it, like point guards and quarterbacks, especially when I start a business), I decided that the decision I made the wrong decision and that I was a complete moron to drive south when home is north.


After getting to a half-tank of gas, I knew that I should probably stop for gas at the next exit because I had no idea where I was going and it would be best for me to get gas now because I don't know when I will get the next chance. I got gas, then I called my father to see if I could use the GPS on my cell phone. He said 'yeah', but asked me if I was lost, and I said 'kinda'.



At the gas station, I asked a lady working how to get to I-71 and she said to take 67-S to the next exit to 30 east and it will take me to 71. Great! Good thing I stopped because I might not have known to get off. So I do what she says, and yet I find myself driving forever. And then I found myself approaching Mansfield, which I know is too far south, knowing I would be going near MVNU.


So I decided to call Christina to see if her GPS hand-held computer thing could help me find myself (I realize that GPS go by the position of the GPS, but there was hope that it could pull up a map of where I was). The GPS on my phone said that I didn't have enough resources (maybe battery power) to run it, so I couldn't pull it up. When I call her, she is outside of her house and gets on the computer to help me find where I was.


She asks for the nearest rod on the next exit and the city I thought I was in (Mansfield). She then tells me that 71 is actually coming up and that I should see an exit on the right that said something and when I looked up and saw that street. A couple seconds later, I see 71 down about 2 miles away (with my keen, falcon-like eyesight). Right then I knew I was going to be ok and that i would finally get home, and I did a little after midnight (I left at 8:45, and the directions said about 3 hours, so with the stop for gas, I actually made it in perfect timing).


After I got home, I realized that I went the right way because I had to south in order to hit 71. I forgot I was suppose to do that from the view of the state map.


All through the ride when I made that junction decision, I was praying to God to take me home in good time. When I made it to 71, I thanked God so much for getting me that far. My father called me 3 times, and my mother told me today when that happened that he said he couldn't go to sleep because I was kinda lost. I called him once I got to 71, to let him know I was fine, and I thanked God for a father who loved me, and even though I never really felt that love growing up, I felt it more than ever. It was a humbling experience to doubt a decision I made and to be wrong when I realized that I was initially right in that decision. God led me home!!!


And how it relates to today. Well it finally revealed to me that I am suppose to go to Moody. I have been back and forth about wondering if God's Will was for me to go to Moody like my decision at the junctions. The doubt of going to Moody came with financial obstacles coming up and UMC clergy trying to force Methodist seminaries on me, it was hard to hear God's voice over the noise pollution in my head. Me going south and thinking it made no sense was like me going to a seminary that was not the seminary of my denomination (though I don't want to go that route).


I was afraid I was trying to do my will over God's Will. So I made the decision to go south (west to Moody) and I have denounce that decision, but now I know that no matter how long this route is and how dark my path was, and how dumb it seemed to be, I am starting to see 71 and knowing that God led me to the right route, and it was the right route that will lead me home.


Shalom <\T/>

Summer Sermons

Today was my sermon at the church I am interning at, and it was by far my best sermon. It was sermon 7 or 8, but it was a great improvement from the 2 previous ones of this summer.

The first sermon of the summer was on Father's Day at my home church and it was about how fathers are very important and vital in the life of children. It was good information, but the delivery was dry and I forced the landing (ending). I was feeling really good and wanted to get up there and preach really well, but unfortunately for me UMC services last forever before a sermon and there are no long sessions of Praise & Worship, like my best friend's church. So after awhile in the service, I lost all motivation to speak. It didn't help that the music was very dry and dead.

The second sermon was at a church 2 weeks ago that doesn't have a pastor. I knew that without a pastor, I had to bring my A game. Unfortunately for me, I forced it to much and it didn't come out well. The message was really good; it was about the importance of community and it had so much good knowledge in it to show why communities are so good. My landing wasn't good and I forced that too much and went on too long. The music was barely visible.

The third sermon from today, was truly the best sermon I have had. My energy was good, material was great, delivery was on point. The first summer sermon was a 5-point sermon, second was a 3-point sermon, and this one I guess was just 1-point. I compared the Call of Moses in Exodus 3 & 4 to God leading me to go to Moody. I recreated the dialogue between God and Moses; putting my own twist to it. I started with a poem I wrote (it was the previous poem). I ended the sermon with my own story of my journey to Moody. The landing was better than the first two, but not that great. That one was by far my best and the music was really good. My former choir director is at this church and had really great music that really kept me in the spirit.

The night before this sermon, I really prayed hard and for the first I cried and was balling my eyes praying about Moody, praying about my sermon, and praying about all my life issues that I was going through, and I felt so much comfort in God that I broke down because I knew what I was going through was not going to last like all the other problems I've ever faced. God brought me through this and as I look to the next journey, a reassuring voice told me to be patient with the Holy Spirit. And with God working on His Time not ours and with less than 2 weeks left, it's time for me to really have faith that it will will be ok and God will handle that.

shalom <\T/>

Untitled #5 (Chi-Town Bound)

Where I am going? What am I suppose to do?
So many paths lie before me, which one leads me to You?
So many times I’ve been down this road of depression
You’d think after the first time I would’ve learned my lesson
So instead I sit here guessing
It’s for that very same reason that I have so many questions
Like who am I suppose to be? And where am I being led?
And which one of these roads will have me end up dead?
Yet a still small voice I hear reassures me safety
But in the midst of that, I still say ‘maybe’
Is it this road? How can I be so sure?
What new trials will I face? What new burdens most I endure?
Can I master these uncharted waters without a tour?
It’s this one? Are You sure?
Is it really the path less traveled and roamed?
Is it really the one that will take me away from everything I’ve ever known?
How can I be so sure this path leads me to You?
Rid me of my own intuition, so I can rely on You

Falcon Epilogue

How does it feel to be in the center of God's Will? That every step you take, you are slowly moving towards God?

Have you ever felt like you were meant to do something great? That there is something more than what you see before you?

Part I

About 3 years ago, I took the first step towards the rest of my life. I made a decision to deny my will and to follow God. I didn't regret that decision, and even after my trials and triumphs, I was reassured that God meant for me to be at a place such as this. I've grown! After being accepted to Morehouse College in Atlanta, Georgia, God stepped in and gave me another option. Morehouse, an HBCU, a prominent all-male school that had so much promise for a young African American man wanting to grow. Dynamic? Of course.

One day, my mother told me to fill out yet another college application in late May/June, my 14th application. I had been accept to each of the previous 13, but none of them gave me real financial support. That 14th school I applied to was the one I chose. Throughout the summer, I juggled going to Morehouse College and Mount Vernon Nazarene University, a small Christian liberal arts college in rural mid-Ohio. That sounds glamorous compared to Atlanta! Not really.

Still trying to figure it out, I decided to fast asking God where He rather me to go. I always started a fast day, back then, by praying for what I am fasting, before I even finished my prayer, God answered my prayer. My aunt called me telling me a story of when she bought her first car. She found an ok looking car that had nothing wrong with it and then found a car that was very flashy and glamorous. She bought the flashy car and it gave her many problems, including the transmission failing twice (I have no idea what that means, but I guess it's pretty bad). She talked about how she should've picked the less fancier looking car. Suddenly, I knew what God was trying to say to me. I can pick up on the metaphors God sends me.

So, God chose MVNU, and I followed. When I arrived, I was very timid, very uncertain of what was down this new road. I met many people that first week, but only a few became true friends. When I first visited, Jim Singletary, my eventual mentor, struck me with his charisma during that first interchange. I asked him how much money I was going to get and he stuned me. Not because he gave me an amount, but because he didn't get mad or flip out at my audacity to ask such a question. He had me sold when that happened. I made a decision when I was younger that I was going to make it to college without my parents or I paying anything. And God made it to where I never had to pay for anything, except for a summer class (which I had money for) and about $15,000 in loans.

I did the unthinkable a week after arriving. At the talent show, I jumped on stage with 2 guys that I had met less than an hour before the event and was the showstopper. How did I, young and timid, break out of my norm and performed a poem in front of many people I didn't know. I was acclaimed as a poet/rapper. My will that I was going to impose on MVNU had begun. I met so many people and jumped to being one of the most easily recognizable faces in my dorm hall and was beginning to be known by many on campus.

During that first semester I struggled, having a 1.385 GPA at midterms and on the verge of being on academic probation and being kicked out. How could I come back home failing out of college? I already with an Associate's Degree and having great grades pretty much all my life, how could I allow this to happen? Those were the questions I asked myself. Steve William's mother gave a very condemning talk about my grades when I ran into her at the student union one Friday night when she visited.

So, I spent the next couple weekends in the library, studying, working, and next thing I know I finished the semester with a 2.31 GPA. I held off elimination to fight another semester. And I never looked back. I cruised through the next semester with a semester GPA of 2.32, but because of my prior college credit my GPA fell under 3.0. There was something I did that 2nd semester that I wish I could take back and it was a comment I made to someone and offended her a lot. I did that the semester before to another good friend of mine. And if I could do it all again, I would not have said what I said. I didn't remember what I said but I know I hurt her so.

Part II

I started the second year being given some duty from Jim to work under him as a student advocate, alongside the girl I just mentioned. She opposed the decision to put me in that position, and who could blame her. For her to work with me, she would have to set a side our previous interchange when I was completely out of line. But eventually we became better friends and very close friends; I still don't remember how exactly that happened, but I guess when you're around someone long enough, they kind of grow on you.

Responsibility became my new friend, and my grades continued to rise. That year I took on a new persona, The Falcon. How did it come to this? IDK. The summer before that year, I bought an Atlanta Falcons' hat. I started rooting for the Atlanta Falcons on the beginning of that football season.

My alias of "The Falcon" started with an episode of my favorite TV show Boy Meets World. On one episode, the characters were at a ski resort and when Topanga was asked if she could describe her mate with an animal, what would it be? She said a falcon so Cory can fly free. So when asked if his behavior would change if he was cheating on his mate, Cory started freaking out a little bit, but turned around and started laughing at it saying, "I can't believe they would ask me that question. I mean me, the falcon."

After hearing that, I started saying, 'I mean me, the falcon.' My friend, Matt, then upon hearing me call myself "the falcon" decided to call me that. That day gave birth to my new alias "The Falcon". The Peregrine Falcon is the fastest moving animal on earth, when it swoops down to prey on other birds. It flies up to like 300 mph (or more), and at that speed, it could kill himself. But it controls its speed and instead kills the prey. How about that as my alias? It is the deadliest bird in the sky.

Anywho, also that year I wrote and recorded a song with a new friend, Kevin Beebe, part of Life Saving Decision. The song is called "Faith", (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vi8MbkYvzmw) and it was featured on their songs. I rap and get on a Christian CD, isn't that great. It has pushed me in the direction of possibly Christian rap.

Upon the end of that 2nd year, I won an unopposed election for the Student Government as VP of Community Life. I fought against the possibility of being on student government, God took started the process of taking me to the next level. As two of my best friends did not make student government along with me, I realized that God had to separate me from my three best friends (Aaron, Christina, and Price). Aaron, Price, and I went to Cedar Point together with some other friends, that was the funnest (not a word, though) time I've had.

Summer in MVNU (Part 2.5)

Instead of going home, I stayed at school for the summer and ended up with a job in Student Development, Summer RA, and I took a class called Christian Beliefs. Christian Beliefs was my favorite class at MVNU. That summer was an interesting summer as God took me away from my norm at home in Cleveland and taught me some lessons by living in the country life. While on campus, there's an inert ability to focus on God a lot more than at home, so a whole summer of that was great. I got a chance to be around Aaron and his family, and Jim, all summer long, all summer.

God revealed so much to me that summer and I even struggled with the idea of my belief system being valid when there are so many belief systems in the world, even having no belief system. I also came to grips with my future, as I changed my major for the last time, I ended up chopping one year off of my undergrad than what I originally had planned at that point (3 years, undergrad). I also decided to go to grad school immediately after graduation which meant like the following year. So God prepared me for carrying on life without them as I didn't spend much time around them the upcoming year.

Part III

The new year started with SLC week, and with all the excitment of being on SGA and wanting to get out of SGA, I seriously hated SLC week. SGA's only work that week was preparing for the upcoming opening week, and on SGA videos. I played Mike Vick in a commercial too advertise the Cougar Card, as it would give people discounts to my Michael Vick puppy pound playhouse. Slogan: I promise to treat you like my dog (cheesey smile).

I ran into many issues with SGA. No one really helped with other people's events, I didn't see the same level of commitment from everyone, and there was a lot of personnel disputes. A fellow colleague and I had issues over booking the same venue for a retreat. I had already reserved some stuff and he didn't. I ended up getting the raw end of the deal, but it's ok. By the end of the first semester, a colleague who became a good friend, resigned from SGA. She helped me everytime I needed help and she was a really great friend.

Though she resigned because she was moving off campus and getting married, she did note the lack of cohessiveness as an issue. It served as a wake up call to everyone to get it together. I was going my job much better than my predecessors, which was my goal, but I did not know how to balance SGA around my life, but instead did the opposite. As an introvert, my energy was heavily depleted and with the wake up call, I pushed more energy into it. By February, I had become disgruntled and said 'kill' a lot (too much).

SGA that year had some personnel ego and control freak issues, mixed with people who didn't take the job serious, and the rest just didn't hold them accountable, which includes me. In the past SGA was kilqish, this past year we stayed away from each other for the most part. We received a list of all the numbers at the beginning of the year, but I remember sending a text to a colleague who didn't know who I was. I seemed to look down on others as if they weren't doing their job since I was all about my job and put everything into it. It hit me that just because I don't see them doing their job or find peace in the midst of the job doesn't mean they are any less committed than me.

That year God gave me a heart of worship, which was about humility and thinking of God and others before yourself. Of course, I took this concept too far and it drained me to the point I snapped on my best friend, so I knew I needed counseling. Counseling helped and I only told one of my best friends about it. Through talking things out I was able to tackle a lot of my repressed problems and a lot of my hidden pains. How I felt alone and no peace where I dwelled.

After good friends threw me a surprise birthday party a month late, I realized that I wasn't alone and I was loved and was going to be missed upon graduation. That was the defining moment of the year, and I felt okay with leaving because of that. Those people would go on to become my "Falconry". I finished the year coming up second in a campus MVP voting.

What's Next ...

As I stand at the crossroads of my life, I know that my next step, my very next move is the beginning of my life. I am no longer protected by undergrad or my parents. My life starts now! I can't depend on my Falconry, I have to depend on God, and to know that I must surrender my will, my life, and my existence at the mercy of His Will. I must believe that He will take care or me. Now where do I go from here God?

Over the last year, God has revealed to me the idea of going to Moody Bible Institute.

In two weeks, I will be in Chicago, Illinois to begin the next chapter in my life. This fall I will be attending Moody Bible Institute, studying in urban ministry. Many people wonder how is it that I ended up going to Moody. Though I have heard about Moody’s schooling and broadcasting all my life, I never had any real intentions of attending. Last summer when I was working in the Student Development office at MVNU, I got a random thought of attending Grad school immediately after college. At that point, I didn’t know I was about to go into my final year and it was the first time I really thought about grad school after college.

That is when a lady from Moody Bible Institute came walking into our office, only a split second after I said that to my mentor, Jim Singletary. After she left, I mentioned to Jim about going to Moody after MVNU and he began to tell about the doors I would be opening and how it would be an opportunity to grow so much more than I already had at MVNU. He even showed me footage of Joel Olsteen and said one day that would be me. I could imagine myself as Joel Olsteen because we both have very photogenic smiles.

So I decided to go to Moody, but the road that would ensue in the next year would be a journey within itself. A book I was reading last summer titled, “The Five Love Languages for Singles”, mentioned Moody twice within the first couple of pages. This is after already making that decision.

But many factors began to take its toll on me and differed me from going to Moody. The financial situation always come into factor, since I don’t have the type of money to jump right into grad school. Individuals tried to deter me from going to Moody and to go to other theological institutions. And still others asking if this is really the time I should go or maybe down the road.

One Saturday night I prayed to God asking Him to clearly show me His route for my life. With all the noise pollution going on in my head, I couldn’t clearly here God’s voice or even recognize it. So I prayed that if this is where He wants me to go, asking if He can clearly tell me.

The next morning the pastor at the church I was attending back in college preached a sermon about his “wish list” for his congregation. The second of the three wishes was that his congregation would do something crazy and exciting for God that would make no sense to other people, but to do it for God. Only a couple seconds later, He would mention the city of Chicago, where Moody is located. Right then I knew that Moody was definitely the place where God wanted me to be.

The doubt in my mind did not leave after that, but despite all of that my mother gave me the best advice. She said I have to be obedient. No matter what anyone says or if there are any financial issues I have to have faith in God and be obedient to His Will. And with that I decided that I would go to Moody, and let God handle it. My part is to do the necessary paperwork, pay the $450in deposits, and meet the necessary deadlines.

What will happen?

Will there be the Rise of the Falcon? Or will I fail to come alive? All this and more, as I go to Chicago (mane).

THE FALCON SAGA CONTINUES ...

shalom <\T/>