you give me a camera, and i go crazy
Tuesday, December 15, 2009
Sunday, August 9, 2009
Summer's Over and Season II is upon us
Rise of the Falcon - Season II
"A Greater Season for a Breakthrough"
"A Greater Season for a Breakthrough"
Sunday, August 2, 2009
Cedar Point Anomaly
I am ashamed to say that I got addicted to a certain musical, that I will go unnamed. Seeing the musical's main character having all his friends around him and my separation from all my best friends made me want to have them all together at one time, at one place. That's when it hit me, we should go to Cedar Point.
So I send a massive text message to people to get them to go. Three people were all for it, mostly everyone else did not immediately respond. My potential guest list was at about 10-12. I decided to shoot for 8. Tragedy struck as 1/2 of my best friends chose not to go. Then another great friend declined. But I was still looking at about potentially 6. So another friend going buys a 4 tickets on a deal I found.
A maybe was looking like a definite, and another person was silent, but then said she would go. Unfortunately, when she found out about the date, it turns out she had another engagement that day.
And then there was 5. I tried to get a 6, but they declined. Then, one of the people ended up having a wedding that day, and forgot to tell me she couldn't go.
And then there was 4. Four is a good group to go with, and since we had 4 tickets, I tried to make sure that the 4 we had was for sure. Well, one of the people I tried to get in touch with did not answer texts or calls. Then I get a call one morning and he said he couldn't go because of work.
And then there was 3. Well the last 3 were solid so I knew I had to try to find a 4th for that day. It was me, a guy, and girl, so I was hoping to find a girl that we all knew. Efforts were unsuccessful. Then another person had to backed out for personal reasons.
And then there was 2. I felt like Paul when he wrote that the only one with me now is Luke (2 Tim. 4:11a). All that was left was me and the person who bought the tickets. He mentioned that he might have something going on that day, and actually we didn't go yesterday.
lol
At first, it was kinda depressing, but now that I look at it, I actually think it's funny. Turns out you can't get what you want or desire most. We must remember that we can't force things to conform to our will. We must be willing to acknowledge that even if we are narcissist, that the world does not bend to our wants. Our lives are not about getting what we want and being happy. I wanted a Cavs championship, but we lost, and I wasted this summer wanting something as unattainable as a championship in Cleveland.
So this further contributes to the worst summer of my life. Can't wait til it's over ...
T-minus 13 days ...
Then ...
Hello Chi-town 2.0
So I send a massive text message to people to get them to go. Three people were all for it, mostly everyone else did not immediately respond. My potential guest list was at about 10-12. I decided to shoot for 8. Tragedy struck as 1/2 of my best friends chose not to go. Then another great friend declined. But I was still looking at about potentially 6. So another friend going buys a 4 tickets on a deal I found.
A maybe was looking like a definite, and another person was silent, but then said she would go. Unfortunately, when she found out about the date, it turns out she had another engagement that day.
And then there was 5. I tried to get a 6, but they declined. Then, one of the people ended up having a wedding that day, and forgot to tell me she couldn't go.
And then there was 4. Four is a good group to go with, and since we had 4 tickets, I tried to make sure that the 4 we had was for sure. Well, one of the people I tried to get in touch with did not answer texts or calls. Then I get a call one morning and he said he couldn't go because of work.
And then there was 3. Well the last 3 were solid so I knew I had to try to find a 4th for that day. It was me, a guy, and girl, so I was hoping to find a girl that we all knew. Efforts were unsuccessful. Then another person had to backed out for personal reasons.
And then there was 2. I felt like Paul when he wrote that the only one with me now is Luke (2 Tim. 4:11a). All that was left was me and the person who bought the tickets. He mentioned that he might have something going on that day, and actually we didn't go yesterday.
lol
At first, it was kinda depressing, but now that I look at it, I actually think it's funny. Turns out you can't get what you want or desire most. We must remember that we can't force things to conform to our will. We must be willing to acknowledge that even if we are narcissist, that the world does not bend to our wants. Our lives are not about getting what we want and being happy. I wanted a Cavs championship, but we lost, and I wasted this summer wanting something as unattainable as a championship in Cleveland.
So this further contributes to the worst summer of my life. Can't wait til it's over ...
T-minus 13 days ...
Then ...
Hello Chi-town 2.0
Saturday, August 1, 2009
Turning Point
Fear cannot begin to describe what I am feeling now, as I have taken the 3rd step to the rest of my life. I have been fighting off the UMC because I never really liked it. I never wanted to be caught up in denominationalism, and thus wanted to be in a non-denominational church, but someone once told me that the animal does not exist because it within itself functions like a mini-denomination. What separate it is that it has no denominational affiliation. Essentially, I recognize it as “Indy”.
Anyways, Thursday night’s service at MRI finally broke my defensive shell to fight off the influence of the United Methodist Church. Our theologian this year was a pastor of a Methodist church with Baptist-background roots. His theology initially seemed more Baptist, but after some further investigation, his theology was nearly even with some agreements and disagreements on both sides. He confirmed that it was possible to have Baptist theology in a Methodist realm, and has offered to help me to preach without getting into issues of theology and doctrine.
I guess what I am looking at is the fact that my life is about to change, and how being a pastor has been solidified. Going forward it finally hit me what was before me. Knowing you’re pregnant is drastically different from having the baby in your arms for the first time, and all this time I was focused on knowing that being a pastor was down the road, but it seemed as though in an instance the reality of it all hit me. I feel this is where God is leading me, though against what I want, but I don’t have peace about it all together.
Once the realization of going through the process fully hit me, I thought about what was ahead of me, the stress, the pain, falling from a high place of praise in the eyes of others and God to a lowly, forsaken stature shadow of a man. Keeping in mind scandals that arise from undisclosed sins of my past that still echo in my heart and the fact that there will be people who will willfully want to bring me down, some internal, as in family, some external. I thought about my family, the pressures that will arise from ministry and family, pressures on wife and kids. That I must be extra careful to be sure of the wife God gives me because she must be called to this position as “Pastor’s wife”, my partner in ministry. It is essential to be matched up with God’s choice because we will need each other in ministry and will need to pray with each other.
Thoughts of an escaping the UMC when I need to or knowing when I need to disagree because what I am being asked is ungodly. Was coming forward a rash, premature, or ill-advised move? I will soon now. I just petition before God that this be His Will and doing because if it isn’t, then I want no part of it. That is why at this particular point in my life, I really need to rely solely on God because He is the only one who can give me comfort in this period and show me where I am going. I am scared and I see the pain that lies before me and even being warned of the politics of bishops who oversee and appoint pastors, and basically have control over people. When do I rebel against what a bishop is forcing me to do when I know God has something else. One thing I do see somewhere down the line is that I might have to leave the UMC…
Anyways, Thursday night’s service at MRI finally broke my defensive shell to fight off the influence of the United Methodist Church. Our theologian this year was a pastor of a Methodist church with Baptist-background roots. His theology initially seemed more Baptist, but after some further investigation, his theology was nearly even with some agreements and disagreements on both sides. He confirmed that it was possible to have Baptist theology in a Methodist realm, and has offered to help me to preach without getting into issues of theology and doctrine.
I guess what I am looking at is the fact that my life is about to change, and how being a pastor has been solidified. Going forward it finally hit me what was before me. Knowing you’re pregnant is drastically different from having the baby in your arms for the first time, and all this time I was focused on knowing that being a pastor was down the road, but it seemed as though in an instance the reality of it all hit me. I feel this is where God is leading me, though against what I want, but I don’t have peace about it all together.
Once the realization of going through the process fully hit me, I thought about what was ahead of me, the stress, the pain, falling from a high place of praise in the eyes of others and God to a lowly, forsaken stature shadow of a man. Keeping in mind scandals that arise from undisclosed sins of my past that still echo in my heart and the fact that there will be people who will willfully want to bring me down, some internal, as in family, some external. I thought about my family, the pressures that will arise from ministry and family, pressures on wife and kids. That I must be extra careful to be sure of the wife God gives me because she must be called to this position as “Pastor’s wife”, my partner in ministry. It is essential to be matched up with God’s choice because we will need each other in ministry and will need to pray with each other.
Thoughts of an escaping the UMC when I need to or knowing when I need to disagree because what I am being asked is ungodly. Was coming forward a rash, premature, or ill-advised move? I will soon now. I just petition before God that this be His Will and doing because if it isn’t, then I want no part of it. That is why at this particular point in my life, I really need to rely solely on God because He is the only one who can give me comfort in this period and show me where I am going. I am scared and I see the pain that lies before me and even being warned of the politics of bishops who oversee and appoint pastors, and basically have control over people. When do I rebel against what a bishop is forcing me to do when I know God has something else. One thing I do see somewhere down the line is that I might have to leave the UMC…
Friday, July 31, 2009
Worst Summer Ever
... My name is Falco Peregrina, and this is the worst summer of my life.
--- I came home to Cleveland just to see the Cavs win the NBA Championship
--- Cavs swept through the first two rounds, but lost when I came home.
--- I didn't get an internship in Cleveland that would have given me a lot of money.
--- I have been broke almost this entire summer.
--- I haven't hung out that much at all
--- I waste my life watching TV all day every day
--- I couldn't get a job, except working as a cleaner
--- My job is a franchise that just started so I have yet to get paid besides $70 that I used to buy a roundtrip to go to my friend's wedding.
--- Accidentally committed to going through the ordination process of the UMC
--- I am away from all my best friends
--- I went MRI, and almost enjoyed but because of a basketball game in which my cousin told people to double-team me which made me look really bad and an apathetic disciplinary action made it a horrible experience. (Long story)
--- I preached a superficial message, though it came out well.
--- The Cedar Point trip that I set up started with a possible guess list of 10 people, then I shot for 8, then it fell to 6, and after some people declined or unknowingly made other plans for that day, it fell from a possible 6 to 2 in only a couple of days. It was to be the crown jewel of my summer, but now its a mire memory. Not to mention it's tomorrow and the only other person might drop out too.
--- I went back to Chicago to see Rach before she left but because I had a lunch after church with a friend I missed Rachel by like a couple of minutes to see her off to the airport.
--- Irritated with the theological conversations I have with my nephews' father.
--- I haven't been working out as much as I wanted to.
--- I couldn't find a good enough apartment for me and my new roommates.
--- Spiritual apathy experienced throughout this summer.
--- My basketball skill looked worst than ever before.
--- I accidentally joined a choir, again.
--- I lied to a really close friend.
--- AND Michael Jackson died, which really sucks!!!
--- I came home to Cleveland just to see the Cavs win the NBA Championship
--- Cavs swept through the first two rounds, but lost when I came home.
--- I didn't get an internship in Cleveland that would have given me a lot of money.
--- I have been broke almost this entire summer.
--- I haven't hung out that much at all
--- I waste my life watching TV all day every day
--- I couldn't get a job, except working as a cleaner
--- My job is a franchise that just started so I have yet to get paid besides $70 that I used to buy a roundtrip to go to my friend's wedding.
--- Accidentally committed to going through the ordination process of the UMC
--- I am away from all my best friends
--- I went MRI, and almost enjoyed but because of a basketball game in which my cousin told people to double-team me which made me look really bad and an apathetic disciplinary action made it a horrible experience. (Long story)
--- I preached a superficial message, though it came out well.
--- The Cedar Point trip that I set up started with a possible guess list of 10 people, then I shot for 8, then it fell to 6, and after some people declined or unknowingly made other plans for that day, it fell from a possible 6 to 2 in only a couple of days. It was to be the crown jewel of my summer, but now its a mire memory. Not to mention it's tomorrow and the only other person might drop out too.
--- I went back to Chicago to see Rach before she left but because I had a lunch after church with a friend I missed Rachel by like a couple of minutes to see her off to the airport.
--- Irritated with the theological conversations I have with my nephews' father.
--- I haven't been working out as much as I wanted to.
--- I couldn't find a good enough apartment for me and my new roommates.
--- Spiritual apathy experienced throughout this summer.
--- My basketball skill looked worst than ever before.
--- I accidentally joined a choir, again.
--- I lied to a really close friend.
--- AND Michael Jackson died, which really sucks!!!
Sunday, April 19, 2009
From the Inside Out
Have you ever sat back and saw yourself from a 3rd person perspective, and actually evaluate who you are? What do you think you would see? Do you think you would be happy with what you saw? Do you think your conduct would reflect how you originally saw yourself? Could you look at your life from that perspective an admit that your life does not reflect a life glorifying to God?
Well this year, I have had the pleasure to see myself in that perspective, and I was not happy with what I saw. I saw a selfish, glory seeker who operated as if he was the only one who mattered or was worth anything. A person who would willfully ignore the needs of others because it didn't coincide with his initial agenda. I saw a portrait of a person whom I could never imagine being around for more than an hour.
It all started a year ago with someone whom I truly admire as a dear sister in Christ admitted that she was selfish. Being able to attest to her godly character as a woman of God and seeing selfless acts of kindness from her, it was a little bit of a shock to here her say that. But what it did was it stirred something in my spirit and made me aware of myself, and it made me aware of that same conviction.
As God has continued to shape for ministry here at Moody, I have been overwhelmed with the kindness and the selfless love that many people have shown; it has truly humbled me. Not saying I was comparing myself to them, but it showed me how an authentic Christian faith and life was truly lived out. I saw transparency that I was not willing to adhere to, and I saw people who gave of their resources, their time, their energy, and their life, not for some sense of duty, obligation, or glory (my motivations), but just because. (I miss you, Mike)
I fasted twice in the last three days, and it has revived a dead prayer life, but something amazing happened on the first day I fasted. Thursday night prayer: two wonderful individuals open up their home and their hearts every Thursday night for fellowship, worship, and prayer. They do this not because it makes them look holy, but because they enjoy and love it.
As I sat there, people were asked what song they wanted the group to sing, and when it came to me, I went with "From the Inside Out" (they already did "Mighty to Save", my first choice). As much as, I have come to truly embrace and enjoy hymns, I had to go with a Hillsong. So as we were singing, I thought about the words (which is what I have been doing with all the songs), but for some reason the words hit me harder than usual. It is that same reason I picked that song.
To me, the strongest lyric from that song was: "the art of losing myself". That hurts because it is my biggest snare and struggle, myself. And to say "the art" makes it pragmatic and abstract, as I sit here wondering how I can learn this "art" of losing myself, and how it plays out in my everyday life. What I need is to be consumed from the inside out, a cosmetic change that starts in my heart,for it to become a circumcised heart.
As a few others and I were leaving, I was standing outside the door talking to one of my favorite people in the Chi, and I thought about the song, and even reflecting on the epistle of James (a report many people had to turn in this week), I came to a conclusion that God had revealed to me. (My roommate was talking about James and how it emphasizes works a lot, and I responded how I thought the emphasis on works in James was that works permeates from our faith. Faith and works go hand and hand and from our faith we are compelled to do such works.)
That is when I thought about how weak my faith was that I have not come to a point in my life where works or acts of selflessness have naturally permeated from my faith. It has been painful to come to this revelation. From knowing that I was not truly in love with Jesus Christ, to knowing that I didn't love others unconditionally, to realizing that I am a man of little faith. That man in the mirror doesn't look as great as I originally thought.
I have poorly misjudged many people I have met here, and I am thankful to have been wrong, but the person I misjudged the most was myself, and my life should truly reflect my "mission verse" that I have committed to memory in English and Greek:
Χριστῳ συνεσταυρομαι. ζω δε ουκετι εγο, ζῃ δε εν εμοι Χριστος, ὁ δε νυν ζω εν σαρκι, εν πιστει ζω τῃ του υἱου του θεου του αγαπησαντος με και παραδοντος ἑαυτον ύπερ εμου. --- Galatians 2:20
Well this year, I have had the pleasure to see myself in that perspective, and I was not happy with what I saw. I saw a selfish, glory seeker who operated as if he was the only one who mattered or was worth anything. A person who would willfully ignore the needs of others because it didn't coincide with his initial agenda. I saw a portrait of a person whom I could never imagine being around for more than an hour.
It all started a year ago with someone whom I truly admire as a dear sister in Christ admitted that she was selfish. Being able to attest to her godly character as a woman of God and seeing selfless acts of kindness from her, it was a little bit of a shock to here her say that. But what it did was it stirred something in my spirit and made me aware of myself, and it made me aware of that same conviction.
As God has continued to shape for ministry here at Moody, I have been overwhelmed with the kindness and the selfless love that many people have shown; it has truly humbled me. Not saying I was comparing myself to them, but it showed me how an authentic Christian faith and life was truly lived out. I saw transparency that I was not willing to adhere to, and I saw people who gave of their resources, their time, their energy, and their life, not for some sense of duty, obligation, or glory (my motivations), but just because. (I miss you, Mike)
I fasted twice in the last three days, and it has revived a dead prayer life, but something amazing happened on the first day I fasted. Thursday night prayer: two wonderful individuals open up their home and their hearts every Thursday night for fellowship, worship, and prayer. They do this not because it makes them look holy, but because they enjoy and love it.
As I sat there, people were asked what song they wanted the group to sing, and when it came to me, I went with "From the Inside Out" (they already did "Mighty to Save", my first choice). As much as, I have come to truly embrace and enjoy hymns, I had to go with a Hillsong. So as we were singing, I thought about the words (which is what I have been doing with all the songs), but for some reason the words hit me harder than usual. It is that same reason I picked that song.
To me, the strongest lyric from that song was: "the art of losing myself". That hurts because it is my biggest snare and struggle, myself. And to say "the art" makes it pragmatic and abstract, as I sit here wondering how I can learn this "art" of losing myself, and how it plays out in my everyday life. What I need is to be consumed from the inside out, a cosmetic change that starts in my heart,for it to become a circumcised heart.
As a few others and I were leaving, I was standing outside the door talking to one of my favorite people in the Chi, and I thought about the song, and even reflecting on the epistle of James (a report many people had to turn in this week), I came to a conclusion that God had revealed to me. (My roommate was talking about James and how it emphasizes works a lot, and I responded how I thought the emphasis on works in James was that works permeates from our faith. Faith and works go hand and hand and from our faith we are compelled to do such works.)
That is when I thought about how weak my faith was that I have not come to a point in my life where works or acts of selflessness have naturally permeated from my faith. It has been painful to come to this revelation. From knowing that I was not truly in love with Jesus Christ, to knowing that I didn't love others unconditionally, to realizing that I am a man of little faith. That man in the mirror doesn't look as great as I originally thought.
I have poorly misjudged many people I have met here, and I am thankful to have been wrong, but the person I misjudged the most was myself, and my life should truly reflect my "mission verse" that I have committed to memory in English and Greek:
Χριστῳ συνεσταυρομαι. ζω δε ουκετι εγο, ζῃ δε εν εμοι Χριστος, ὁ δε νυν ζω εν σαρκι, εν πιστει ζω τῃ του υἱου του θεου του αγαπησαντος με και παραδοντος ἑαυτον ύπερ εμου. --- Galatians 2:20
Friday, January 23, 2009
Sunday, January 18, 2009
Return of the Falcon
Well my triumphant return to MVNU was beautiful. It felt great to come back to MVNU, to be around ppl i haven't seen in forever, and to be shown so much love. I'm glad I had the chance to fellowship with great friends, the warm embraces, and just being able to see everyone face 2 face rather than over text or facebook messages.
It has been a tough year for everyone, but it has been a year that God has taken each one of us and has molded us to be stronger, better, for Him. I thank God for your struggles and for mine because He is using this struggles, despite pressure from the enemy, to refine us to, to draw us closer to Him, to humble to a point of just reliance on God.
But back to my visit, nothing was funnier than going to make some tea, and I walked passed Wendi w/o her knowing it was me, and then I came up to her and asked if Student Dev. had honey, she looked up and was like "WHOA". Many people recognized my voice, and others saw me from a distance and ran up to me, and gave me a huge hug.
There is nothing like that feeling, a feeling that ppl love you and truly missed you. I couldn't have expected anything better than being treated like someone who was treasured and meant a lot to so many ppl. I am just in awe of how God has used others to show me love, show me that I am not alone in this world.
<\T/>HANK YOU!!!
It has been a tough year for everyone, but it has been a year that God has taken each one of us and has molded us to be stronger, better, for Him. I thank God for your struggles and for mine because He is using this struggles, despite pressure from the enemy, to refine us to, to draw us closer to Him, to humble to a point of just reliance on God.
But back to my visit, nothing was funnier than going to make some tea, and I walked passed Wendi w/o her knowing it was me, and then I came up to her and asked if Student Dev. had honey, she looked up and was like "WHOA". Many people recognized my voice, and others saw me from a distance and ran up to me, and gave me a huge hug.
There is nothing like that feeling, a feeling that ppl love you and truly missed you. I couldn't have expected anything better than being treated like someone who was treasured and meant a lot to so many ppl. I am just in awe of how God has used others to show me love, show me that I am not alone in this world.
<\T/>HANK YOU!!!
Friday, January 16, 2009
When you love someone, you love them through the heartbreaks and the scars. when those heartbreaks and scars become idols, you love that person through their idolatry. i fell in love with a girl, who is worth so much more than she will ever know. men have broken her heart and recently, she has seen two of her best male friends break her heart. though i plead "not guilty", you will beg to differ. it comes a point when you refuse to take blame for something that was out of your hands, and you have to call people out on their idolatry. not to get on your own self-righteous soapbox, but to remind the of God. my new hebrew name is Zechariah, which means "YHWH has remembered", but I want to believe that this name means, "remember YHWH". i love her, not in a romantic sense, but i love her in a way that makes me value her friendship and fellowship. it hurts that she hates me, or wants to inflict physical pain on me, but if she wants to destroy our friendship of 2 1/2 years, i must honor her decision, but no matter what i will undoubtedly love her to the bitter end. but no matter if she hates me forever or not, but i hope that in my reaction to her or how i live my life will compel her and others to remember YHWH.
1.16.11
1.16.11
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