... My name is Falco Peregrina, and this is the worst summer of my life.
--- I came home to Cleveland just to see the Cavs win the NBA Championship
--- Cavs swept through the first two rounds, but lost when I came home.
--- I didn't get an internship in Cleveland that would have given me a lot of money.
--- I have been broke almost this entire summer.
--- I haven't hung out that much at all
--- I waste my life watching TV all day every day
--- I couldn't get a job, except working as a cleaner
--- My job is a franchise that just started so I have yet to get paid besides $70 that I used to buy a roundtrip to go to my friend's wedding.
--- Accidentally committed to going through the ordination process of the UMC
--- I am away from all my best friends
--- I went MRI, and almost enjoyed but because of a basketball game in which my cousin told people to double-team me which made me look really bad and an apathetic disciplinary action made it a horrible experience. (Long story)
--- I preached a superficial message, though it came out well.
--- The Cedar Point trip that I set up started with a possible guess list of 10 people, then I shot for 8, then it fell to 6, and after some people declined or unknowingly made other plans for that day, it fell from a possible 6 to 2 in only a couple of days. It was to be the crown jewel of my summer, but now its a mire memory. Not to mention it's tomorrow and the only other person might drop out too.
--- I went back to Chicago to see Rach before she left but because I had a lunch after church with a friend I missed Rachel by like a couple of minutes to see her off to the airport.
--- Irritated with the theological conversations I have with my nephews' father.
--- I haven't been working out as much as I wanted to.
--- I couldn't find a good enough apartment for me and my new roommates.
--- Spiritual apathy experienced throughout this summer.
--- My basketball skill looked worst than ever before.
--- I accidentally joined a choir, again.
--- I lied to a really close friend.
--- AND Michael Jackson died, which really sucks!!!
Friday, July 31, 2009
Sunday, April 19, 2009
From the Inside Out
Have you ever sat back and saw yourself from a 3rd person perspective, and actually evaluate who you are? What do you think you would see? Do you think you would be happy with what you saw? Do you think your conduct would reflect how you originally saw yourself? Could you look at your life from that perspective an admit that your life does not reflect a life glorifying to God?
Well this year, I have had the pleasure to see myself in that perspective, and I was not happy with what I saw. I saw a selfish, glory seeker who operated as if he was the only one who mattered or was worth anything. A person who would willfully ignore the needs of others because it didn't coincide with his initial agenda. I saw a portrait of a person whom I could never imagine being around for more than an hour.
It all started a year ago with someone whom I truly admire as a dear sister in Christ admitted that she was selfish. Being able to attest to her godly character as a woman of God and seeing selfless acts of kindness from her, it was a little bit of a shock to here her say that. But what it did was it stirred something in my spirit and made me aware of myself, and it made me aware of that same conviction.
As God has continued to shape for ministry here at Moody, I have been overwhelmed with the kindness and the selfless love that many people have shown; it has truly humbled me. Not saying I was comparing myself to them, but it showed me how an authentic Christian faith and life was truly lived out. I saw transparency that I was not willing to adhere to, and I saw people who gave of their resources, their time, their energy, and their life, not for some sense of duty, obligation, or glory (my motivations), but just because. (I miss you, Mike)
I fasted twice in the last three days, and it has revived a dead prayer life, but something amazing happened on the first day I fasted. Thursday night prayer: two wonderful individuals open up their home and their hearts every Thursday night for fellowship, worship, and prayer. They do this not because it makes them look holy, but because they enjoy and love it.
As I sat there, people were asked what song they wanted the group to sing, and when it came to me, I went with "From the Inside Out" (they already did "Mighty to Save", my first choice). As much as, I have come to truly embrace and enjoy hymns, I had to go with a Hillsong. So as we were singing, I thought about the words (which is what I have been doing with all the songs), but for some reason the words hit me harder than usual. It is that same reason I picked that song.
To me, the strongest lyric from that song was: "the art of losing myself". That hurts because it is my biggest snare and struggle, myself. And to say "the art" makes it pragmatic and abstract, as I sit here wondering how I can learn this "art" of losing myself, and how it plays out in my everyday life. What I need is to be consumed from the inside out, a cosmetic change that starts in my heart,for it to become a circumcised heart.
As a few others and I were leaving, I was standing outside the door talking to one of my favorite people in the Chi, and I thought about the song, and even reflecting on the epistle of James (a report many people had to turn in this week), I came to a conclusion that God had revealed to me. (My roommate was talking about James and how it emphasizes works a lot, and I responded how I thought the emphasis on works in James was that works permeates from our faith. Faith and works go hand and hand and from our faith we are compelled to do such works.)
That is when I thought about how weak my faith was that I have not come to a point in my life where works or acts of selflessness have naturally permeated from my faith. It has been painful to come to this revelation. From knowing that I was not truly in love with Jesus Christ, to knowing that I didn't love others unconditionally, to realizing that I am a man of little faith. That man in the mirror doesn't look as great as I originally thought.
I have poorly misjudged many people I have met here, and I am thankful to have been wrong, but the person I misjudged the most was myself, and my life should truly reflect my "mission verse" that I have committed to memory in English and Greek:
Χριστῳ συνεσταυρομαι. ζω δε ουκετι εγο, ζῃ δε εν εμοι Χριστος, ὁ δε νυν ζω εν σαρκι, εν πιστει ζω τῃ του υἱου του θεου του αγαπησαντος με και παραδοντος ἑαυτον ύπερ εμου. --- Galatians 2:20
Well this year, I have had the pleasure to see myself in that perspective, and I was not happy with what I saw. I saw a selfish, glory seeker who operated as if he was the only one who mattered or was worth anything. A person who would willfully ignore the needs of others because it didn't coincide with his initial agenda. I saw a portrait of a person whom I could never imagine being around for more than an hour.
It all started a year ago with someone whom I truly admire as a dear sister in Christ admitted that she was selfish. Being able to attest to her godly character as a woman of God and seeing selfless acts of kindness from her, it was a little bit of a shock to here her say that. But what it did was it stirred something in my spirit and made me aware of myself, and it made me aware of that same conviction.
As God has continued to shape for ministry here at Moody, I have been overwhelmed with the kindness and the selfless love that many people have shown; it has truly humbled me. Not saying I was comparing myself to them, but it showed me how an authentic Christian faith and life was truly lived out. I saw transparency that I was not willing to adhere to, and I saw people who gave of their resources, their time, their energy, and their life, not for some sense of duty, obligation, or glory (my motivations), but just because. (I miss you, Mike)
I fasted twice in the last three days, and it has revived a dead prayer life, but something amazing happened on the first day I fasted. Thursday night prayer: two wonderful individuals open up their home and their hearts every Thursday night for fellowship, worship, and prayer. They do this not because it makes them look holy, but because they enjoy and love it.
As I sat there, people were asked what song they wanted the group to sing, and when it came to me, I went with "From the Inside Out" (they already did "Mighty to Save", my first choice). As much as, I have come to truly embrace and enjoy hymns, I had to go with a Hillsong. So as we were singing, I thought about the words (which is what I have been doing with all the songs), but for some reason the words hit me harder than usual. It is that same reason I picked that song.
To me, the strongest lyric from that song was: "the art of losing myself". That hurts because it is my biggest snare and struggle, myself. And to say "the art" makes it pragmatic and abstract, as I sit here wondering how I can learn this "art" of losing myself, and how it plays out in my everyday life. What I need is to be consumed from the inside out, a cosmetic change that starts in my heart,for it to become a circumcised heart.
As a few others and I were leaving, I was standing outside the door talking to one of my favorite people in the Chi, and I thought about the song, and even reflecting on the epistle of James (a report many people had to turn in this week), I came to a conclusion that God had revealed to me. (My roommate was talking about James and how it emphasizes works a lot, and I responded how I thought the emphasis on works in James was that works permeates from our faith. Faith and works go hand and hand and from our faith we are compelled to do such works.)
That is when I thought about how weak my faith was that I have not come to a point in my life where works or acts of selflessness have naturally permeated from my faith. It has been painful to come to this revelation. From knowing that I was not truly in love with Jesus Christ, to knowing that I didn't love others unconditionally, to realizing that I am a man of little faith. That man in the mirror doesn't look as great as I originally thought.
I have poorly misjudged many people I have met here, and I am thankful to have been wrong, but the person I misjudged the most was myself, and my life should truly reflect my "mission verse" that I have committed to memory in English and Greek:
Χριστῳ συνεσταυρομαι. ζω δε ουκετι εγο, ζῃ δε εν εμοι Χριστος, ὁ δε νυν ζω εν σαρκι, εν πιστει ζω τῃ του υἱου του θεου του αγαπησαντος με και παραδοντος ἑαυτον ύπερ εμου. --- Galatians 2:20
Friday, January 23, 2009
Sunday, January 18, 2009
Return of the Falcon
Well my triumphant return to MVNU was beautiful. It felt great to come back to MVNU, to be around ppl i haven't seen in forever, and to be shown so much love. I'm glad I had the chance to fellowship with great friends, the warm embraces, and just being able to see everyone face 2 face rather than over text or facebook messages.
It has been a tough year for everyone, but it has been a year that God has taken each one of us and has molded us to be stronger, better, for Him. I thank God for your struggles and for mine because He is using this struggles, despite pressure from the enemy, to refine us to, to draw us closer to Him, to humble to a point of just reliance on God.
But back to my visit, nothing was funnier than going to make some tea, and I walked passed Wendi w/o her knowing it was me, and then I came up to her and asked if Student Dev. had honey, she looked up and was like "WHOA". Many people recognized my voice, and others saw me from a distance and ran up to me, and gave me a huge hug.
There is nothing like that feeling, a feeling that ppl love you and truly missed you. I couldn't have expected anything better than being treated like someone who was treasured and meant a lot to so many ppl. I am just in awe of how God has used others to show me love, show me that I am not alone in this world.
<\T/>HANK YOU!!!
It has been a tough year for everyone, but it has been a year that God has taken each one of us and has molded us to be stronger, better, for Him. I thank God for your struggles and for mine because He is using this struggles, despite pressure from the enemy, to refine us to, to draw us closer to Him, to humble to a point of just reliance on God.
But back to my visit, nothing was funnier than going to make some tea, and I walked passed Wendi w/o her knowing it was me, and then I came up to her and asked if Student Dev. had honey, she looked up and was like "WHOA". Many people recognized my voice, and others saw me from a distance and ran up to me, and gave me a huge hug.
There is nothing like that feeling, a feeling that ppl love you and truly missed you. I couldn't have expected anything better than being treated like someone who was treasured and meant a lot to so many ppl. I am just in awe of how God has used others to show me love, show me that I am not alone in this world.
<\T/>HANK YOU!!!
Friday, January 16, 2009
When you love someone, you love them through the heartbreaks and the scars. when those heartbreaks and scars become idols, you love that person through their idolatry. i fell in love with a girl, who is worth so much more than she will ever know. men have broken her heart and recently, she has seen two of her best male friends break her heart. though i plead "not guilty", you will beg to differ. it comes a point when you refuse to take blame for something that was out of your hands, and you have to call people out on their idolatry. not to get on your own self-righteous soapbox, but to remind the of God. my new hebrew name is Zechariah, which means "YHWH has remembered", but I want to believe that this name means, "remember YHWH". i love her, not in a romantic sense, but i love her in a way that makes me value her friendship and fellowship. it hurts that she hates me, or wants to inflict physical pain on me, but if she wants to destroy our friendship of 2 1/2 years, i must honor her decision, but no matter what i will undoubtedly love her to the bitter end. but no matter if she hates me forever or not, but i hope that in my reaction to her or how i live my life will compel her and others to remember YHWH.
1.16.11
1.16.11
Thursday, December 25, 2008
Post-Falconistic MVNU: 3-part Half Season Premier
Sometimes, I believe, we were not meant to be in certain times in certain places, that God puts us in certain places for certain times. We are put in places for seasons, and then we are uprooted. Maybe to grow more, to experience new things, or maybe to not be where you once were. But it is weird to look at an environment that I once was, and know that I was not meant to be there now.
In a couple weeks, I will be returning to my alma mater at MVNU. Even in the summer and one semester that I have been gone, there has been some significant changes. Changes that I probably would have not been able to deal with if I existed in that society on a regular basis, without having my 3rd nervous breakdown.
I call it a "Post-Falconistic" MVNU. An MVNU that exists without me, and without my influence. The biggest development that I would have to come to grips with is the fact that my always relatively accessible best friend has a girlfriend. Its difficult to know that my relatively accessible best friend may not be as accessible as I would like. If I were around, chances are I would have tried to influence him not to get in a relationship with any girl because I am going thru a stage where I am kinda "anti-relationships". I have not come to terms with it yet and I think I would have felt a little better if he was dating someone I knew, but its something I will have to get over because he could marry her one day, and as 1/2 of my best friend duo and best men, I will have to deal with it anyways.
The second half of the duo that keeps me sane in this lonely world is dealing with anxiety of graduating. He is coming up on his last semester, and not having a job set up after graduation has been the root of his anxiety. I can certainly understand. I worked 2 jobs to pay for grad school and it made me appreciate so much more how undergrad was almost worry-free compared to life now. Finding a job is difficult enough with the economy the way it is. People believe that the Obama adminstration will help things pick-up, but I don't trust in the hands of men, but rather God's. I pray God would help him find a job that is closely associated with his degree, and I have faith he will.
With a new chaplain, new leader in student development, a protege going thru a massive spiritual trial, a best friend possibly falling for another best friend, a mentor who is working alone, and a handful of other Falconry members going thru distress, makes this a very interesting visit.
I miss my friends and they certainly miss me, and I am told that regularly. It feels good to be missed, and to feel like you belong somewhere that people seriously miss you. Dare I say that I did not feel that same acceptance in my home. I grew up bitter, depressed, spiteful, and cold. I blame my family, global warming, or public housing. I think global warming would be more plausible. I can't wait to get back, but I hope that I can handle a small dose of it. Its almost like the return of Jack Bauer to CTU in day 5 of "24". Can Falco survive in the post-Falconistic MVNU? Find out on the mid-season premier of "Rise of the Falcon". Later Days.........
Shalom and Much Hesed to Ya!!!!!!!
<\T/>
In a couple weeks, I will be returning to my alma mater at MVNU. Even in the summer and one semester that I have been gone, there has been some significant changes. Changes that I probably would have not been able to deal with if I existed in that society on a regular basis, without having my 3rd nervous breakdown.
I call it a "Post-Falconistic" MVNU. An MVNU that exists without me, and without my influence. The biggest development that I would have to come to grips with is the fact that my always relatively accessible best friend has a girlfriend. Its difficult to know that my relatively accessible best friend may not be as accessible as I would like. If I were around, chances are I would have tried to influence him not to get in a relationship with any girl because I am going thru a stage where I am kinda "anti-relationships". I have not come to terms with it yet and I think I would have felt a little better if he was dating someone I knew, but its something I will have to get over because he could marry her one day, and as 1/2 of my best friend duo and best men, I will have to deal with it anyways.
The second half of the duo that keeps me sane in this lonely world is dealing with anxiety of graduating. He is coming up on his last semester, and not having a job set up after graduation has been the root of his anxiety. I can certainly understand. I worked 2 jobs to pay for grad school and it made me appreciate so much more how undergrad was almost worry-free compared to life now. Finding a job is difficult enough with the economy the way it is. People believe that the Obama adminstration will help things pick-up, but I don't trust in the hands of men, but rather God's. I pray God would help him find a job that is closely associated with his degree, and I have faith he will.
With a new chaplain, new leader in student development, a protege going thru a massive spiritual trial, a best friend possibly falling for another best friend, a mentor who is working alone, and a handful of other Falconry members going thru distress, makes this a very interesting visit.
I miss my friends and they certainly miss me, and I am told that regularly. It feels good to be missed, and to feel like you belong somewhere that people seriously miss you. Dare I say that I did not feel that same acceptance in my home. I grew up bitter, depressed, spiteful, and cold. I blame my family, global warming, or public housing. I think global warming would be more plausible. I can't wait to get back, but I hope that I can handle a small dose of it. Its almost like the return of Jack Bauer to CTU in day 5 of "24". Can Falco survive in the post-Falconistic MVNU? Find out on the mid-season premier of "Rise of the Falcon". Later Days.........
Shalom and Much Hesed to Ya!!!!!!!
<\T/>
Monday, October 27, 2008
Freak-out Friday
Nearly a month ago on Friday, September 10th, I was hit with news and craziness that led me to go through about 10 emotional states in about a 7-hour-stretch. I would not wish this on my worst enemy:
Freak-out Friday's Emotional Rollercoaster:
Exhaustion - 17:00
Excitement - 18:30
Suspense - 19:07
Bitter Anger & Depression - 19:17
Impatience & Annoyance - 20:45
Awkwardness & Discomfort - 21:04
Disappointment - 22:00
Anticipation - 23:30
Compassion - 00:00
10.27.10
Freak-out Friday's Emotional Rollercoaster:
Exhaustion - 17:00
Excitement - 18:30
Suspense - 19:07
Bitter Anger & Depression - 19:17
Impatience & Annoyance - 20:45
Awkwardness & Discomfort - 21:04
Disappointment - 22:00
Anticipation - 23:30
Compassion - 00:00
10.27.10
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
Posts
